So......Am I a Slut?

Big Disclaimer: Before you continue to read, I just want to make it clear that I am only speaking out of my perspective and I am not looking to offend anyone out here. It has occurred to me, and I only want to share bits of details of my personal life to my feelings of being slut shamed in high school. I advise you that this may be excruciatingly lengthy, but it would help me if you could read through it because it will mean something. If you ever been slut shamed, just remember that you have no intentions to be labeled and we have the mass majority of cruel folks in the world. 


Slut Shaming. I cannot stress enough how victimized we are by the fact that we get hatred from those that put us down just because we either: A. we lose our virginity at a young age B. we had multiple sex partners C. admitting we have had sex and enjoy every pleasure out of it. D. you must be one fucked up retard who has no right to budge into one’s sex life.

I don’t know about you, but I have been slut shamed for the reason being that I lost my virginity to a stud back in high school. It seems quite long ago since I do not even want to reflect back my high school days, but I learned to just accept the fact that I did what I did since life moves forward---and so do you. I’ve been hurt by those who found out I was no longer a virgin for those who asked, and I want to ask them something daunting. Dare I ask why must my sex life be so important to you? Excuse me moi, but what is it about being direct that you must use my response contrary to? Is there an explanation that my sex life is your justification to use it against me by making people turn away from me? I never had really had close friends throughout my life, so it was not enough to give me assurance whatsoever. Though what I gained from this journey were people who knew me would turn their backs against me because they would have never thought some loser A.K.A me would go beyond their extreme actions/expectations.

However, I was not proud with what happened because high school was generally an endless burning hell-hole that I had to endure; let’s face it, almost all of my life was not the greatest and simply I was forced to keep my pride up and confront the shitty world. But definitely high school took a toll of my life and smashed what I had left into pieces. Pretty cliché to say, but sex was considered the sizzling theme among students often talk about. Nowadays, people are encouraging sex for the wrong motives; like for example, “You got to try it at least once before you graduate high school! It is the best things you can do… Trust me!” Peer pressure becomes supported to make others feel that sex is the only way out to escape exclusion from their peers. I just thought sex was just one of those high moments that once you lose your V-card, you shall increase recognition from the people around you and congratulations, you are really bold to make a choice that is occasionally the toughest to grant for. Fuck. I wanted to experience on gaining popularity in contemplation to become one the populars just like Trixie Tang and her own posse, Tad and Chad. Did we not ever dream of becoming popular would be a magnificent desire before?

I befriended a mysterious, yet musical virtuoso and my heart sank when I knew that was something in common we had. Being the girl that loves to fantasize, I could think of ways of getting him to help me with a project I wanted to work on because I wanted to secretly serenade him one of my favorite songs, especially when we can play duets together. That was an endearing dream I had for a moment. People who were acquainted with this fella warned me about his egoistic demeanor and if you knew me, I chose to conceal the deal by virtue of how vile students can be at my school and finding attempts to get my senses knocked out. Someone said he was an absolute stud muffin and should be avoided despite everything. Again, somebody was trying to thrash my mind into who should I accept what is true from others or standing on my own ground is an option to think about.  I’ve been told what to do many times before and I was not going to let any student dictate my life because I’m already a miserable sap. Nobody was going to talk me out of dismissing this guy, but I did not care to listen.

This guy and I talked about it and we have discussed about the possible consequences that they happen.  Eventually, I gave him my virginity because there was something in the back of my head that I wanted to do this just to get this opportunity over with. Did I get what I wanted out of that moment? To my surprise, I was not getting a good reputation out of it. Whoever did mention about popularity became a big myth! Students are telling me how he had slept with multiple girls in the past and I suddenly became one of the girls in his history.

What else came out of the situation? He stopped communication with me from what happened and I’m fucking bewildered because I had no clue this was such a big deal for two parties to decide on. People I knew who knew him exchanged signs of repulsion towards me because my act was entirely disgraceful… very despicable. I was only young teenager because I still haven’t fully discovered who I am and already did something bad to my own status when it was bad enough before. All of a sudden, I became a slut/whore/nymph/floozy to their eyes because walking to my class I had with him became a beginning nightmare. Nobody wanted to look straight at me in the eye nor did they want to pursue a conversation with me due to my actions. We are talking about ¼ of the class, which is not a big deal because if we are talking about every single 32 students ---then I think resorting myself to pouring inflammable gas and pacing around to the nearest building by bounding off is an established preference for me. It became horrifying enough that some peers are already thinking badly of me when I have not taken chance to acquaint with them in during academic hours. I couldn’t take the damn pain any longer… I wanted to transfer my ass out of this shitty school because I was given hatred in return for something I did not do that was judged upon discourteous among society. I was referred to counseling services and spent my school hours/off-hours being how I terrified myself to withstand my surroundings. My life was unbearable to handle because I am often the bulls-eye target for harassment, and now I am receiving something I did not expect to be prepared to encounter many faces of hatred.

I never understood that losing my virginity in high school can be the worst to happen because I would have close acquaintances ask me about my personal life and given the truth out, the tables are turned. Is it because I’m already considered a damn slut just because no one cared enough to familiarize with me to show that I am not what people would anticipate out of me? I had ex-friends who blew me off because I was not a virgin and I did nothing wrong, but to be honest with the question. Obviously, if you think virginity had something linked to an individual’s behavior, then clearly your screws are loose since I am still the same person before and after it was done with. There is a double-edged society to this and the guys are applauded for their hard work if he loses his virginity, but you have the ladies who would slip their V-card out and they are considered whores. I remember this one girl became the “high school slut” for the inappropriate misconduct use during school hours with another guy and she had to relocate schools because she was receiving a bunch of hate/negativity from almost all of the students since the rumor circulated around the school. Pretty much, the guys were rooting for the guy screwing her and this irks how there is a certain pattern going on with gender roles.  I think it is because you had to choose the school’s washroom and someone caught you with the act?  It appears that sex during high school delivers various morals we choose to believe in by what is considered right or wrong to do, and high school students are getting the wrong message across that females are portrayed as sluts for having sex at a young age. But why should the hate heading towards the females for having sex? If we choose to have sex, then that is perfectly fine because our decision is made when both parties are ready to accept on expressing an evocative, yet cherished engaging moment. There should be neither shame nor honor because one is engaging in sex because sex is an instinctive response that we come across as seeking pleasure or reproduction. Since when was some physical act became sacred enough that many controversies establishes ethics and myths to something obvious that there is nothing bad with it yet so much condemnation sets itself free to promoting hate crime?

There are people out there who participate in religious practices and for those who practice it rigorously, you bet God is admired by your confidence that you put them first in your heart and their love continues to follow you along the way if you remain to put in faith with God. There are some who want to preserve their virginity before marriage and intending to decide is a matter of subjective decision because it is a free choice on what you really want out of your life and most likely, you can only decide for yourself what you believe is right. Those who agree to protect their V-cards for their one and only future wifey/hubby if they believe saving it means they will remain pure until their wedding day, just make sure your partner is okay with your decision and you should continue be able to pursue healthy happy relationship together.  If you want to go ahead and screw all of the guys in high school; again, that is okay too because I think you have the authority to do whatever you desire in life. Slut shaming also does not end here, females are bashed for the amount of sexual partners they've engaged with. It’s something new that the called quantity of allies (your ex/lover/fuck buddy/friend/BFF/alien/dog), females are also bashed for being bigger sluts for that particular concern. Something to really think about is sex is just sex itself---the amount of partners you slept does not matter. Why are people dragging themselves eagerly to dwell on somebody’s personal life when they could mind their own? Again, one partner or hundred partners, sex is our exclusive insider of our life story and it should be kept as it seeing that it is no one’s business to budge in and use that justification to call us sluts. Slut-shaming brings down our self-confidence, the inadequacy response of sexual expression without judgment, contributing female hatred, and the right to be raped because sluts are supposedly asking for consensual action in a consecutive backtalk. Even delivering thoughts or speaking of sex in a female’s perspective is immoral enough for one to observe upon one’s character because society is unreasonable for females to endure the tormenting track where nothing is acceptable if we may be portrayed as something we did not choose to become something by motives.

Being slut-shamed brought myself into spiteful downfalls since I had many problems of my own to begin with. But guess what, now I am cutting loose to the next folk who will call me the next slut if I will admit to the next person who will ask me that I must say I slept before---worst case was with a fuckboy. I lost acquaintances, my pride. which nearly costed my life, and something valuable taken from me: my virginity.  But I still breathing at least to tell myself that those folks can go sit on a prickly cactus because I am just done. Today, I am grateful for several friends I have today whom are willing to stick up with me when I finally had the opportunity to voice my horrific experience from slut-shaming and it makes me any happier that they still love me regardless if I was a slut or just a regular teenager who is lost in this generation. If you want to consider me a slut, then that is fine because I don't care about labels anymore and I have been tormented so frequently that I just will disregard that trait. Am I slut? Am I not a slut? I guess we may not know unless you want to keep interrogating me into silly games. You can decide for yourself whether you want to label me or not.

And remember, the amount of sex/sexual partners does not define who you are and it shouldn't make sense to make this of a label due to how corrupted our society is. Your actions do not imply what you are or how you present yourself.  You are still a wonderful person from the inside and outside, and if you ever feel alone like I have, do not panic.... We are alone together.